A little late, but here is my reflection from the month of October:
“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” —Psalm 94:19 NIV
The “Unknown” is not a comfortable place to be, especially if it triggers feelings of isolation or of being misunderstood. Many insecurities are unearthed and we can find ourselves questioning God’s plan for our lives. The foundations of our identity start to erode as we lose ourselves, like sand sifting through our fingers, wondering what will be left when this season of life has passed. Not every instance of the “Unknown” resembles this, but I’ve found myself wandering through this eerie abyss feeling hopeless and at a loss.
I have passions, desires and dreams. I have an idea of who I am and who I want to be. But life circumstances aren’t allowing me to fully embody this path I’ve imagined for myself. Instead, I am in a limbo of sorts, stuck between wanting and not having. It’s a terrible place of discernment trying to understand what is of God and what is mere selfishness.
During the month of October, the ministry Grace X Strength (a Christian yoga and prayer ministry that I highly recommend) has chosen “Identity” as its theme for the month. GxS is a beautiful and spiritually sound ministry, leading women in stretching and strengthening videos to glorify and connect with God through our female bodies, like a dance of praise (just as David danced before the Lord). This theme of Identity has therefore been the focus of my daily devotional practice and scripture readings. Each day, I’ve uncovered shining truths about my Identity as a Christian woman and daughter of God. I have been rediscovering my worth as I am, independent of my earthly roles or accomplishments (or lack thereof). Day by day, the fear of the Unknown has been chipped away, uncovering something dazzling beneath. And that thing is JOY.
Suddenly, I’m not afraid or disappointed as I work through this limbo of current circumstance. No, I’ve felt this otherworldly joy consume me in my newfound identity. I have purpose and hope in the NOW, even if it is all unknown to me. I don’t know where my life is going or if my dreams and desires will come to fruition. Instead, I boldly thank God for this present moment and trust in Him. This trust and gratitude, this revelation of who I am as a Sister of Christ, as the Beloved of the Father, has transformed the Unknown from a place of fear and discomfort to a place of joy.
I challenge you, my dear sisters, to sit with the Lord and ask for the grace to be filled with His joy, regardless of today’s challenges and uncomfortable situations. There can be pain, suffering, loneliness, bitterness, fear, confusion, the list goes on. But, there can be joy too. It doesn’t need to make sense, but if we ask for it, God will honour that simple desire for embodied joy.
“Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.” John 16:24 NIV
Dearest Father, though I may not see Your purpose for me, I praise You. Though I might not sense Your presence or understand what is going on in my life, I praise you. Though I might not feel like I’m where I want to be, that I’ve somehow failed or that I’ve lost my identity, I praise and thank You. Lover of my soul, you see me and rejoice. No one else knows my heart as You do. In this time of Unknown’s and spiritual unrest, You remain and Your adoration of me, of ME, is astounding. How is it that you continue to marvel at me when I’ve lost touch with my own identity and gifts? Your sheer love of me fills me to the brim with this feeling I cannot name. Thank you, Sweet One, for romancing me when I feel unloveable and unworthy. I ask that You help me settle into the abyss of the Unknown with an unshakeable joy, that despite my current situation, I might remain confident in the fact that I am Yours and that You delight in me. Fill me with joy and help me to carry on, boldly and gladly trusting in You. Amen.
Thank you for reading and, as always, God bless!
–VanessaMarieCaron
Vanessa Marie Caron, Author 